Is the whole world pregnant?

I am sure its a phenomemon you have all experienced at one time or another. Something becomes so important to you that it is all you think about, you live and breath it. It becomes so all encompassing that suddenly everywhere you go it appears to follow you. Last year my source of obsession was my wedding, it was all I talked about to my darling Husband who was either amazingly patient or amazing at turning my inane, seating related whittling into white noise.

The days after my wedding were surprisingly empty, I had nothing to plan, nothing to research, thank goodness for my amazing honeymoon or I cannot guarantee I wouldn't have fallen into a pit of depression but even there I was followed. When ever in the history of holidays have I seen not one but two weddings? Post wedding blues as it is affectionally known. When something consumes you in the way my wedding planning did it is hard to live without when it is over so abruptly.

The same can be said for trying for a baby, the eventual pregnancy and in 1 in 4 unfortunate cases, miscarriage. From the day I stopped taking my pill, the wedding shaped void in my life was filled with baby planning. Although the act of making a baby seems fairly straight forward, any baby book will tell you it is anything but. I was shocked to find that a healthy, fertile couple who do everything right at all the right times have a shockingly low 20% chance of being successful each month. With this statistic in mind it suddenly becomes apparent why fertility experts recommend trying for a full year before consulting medical professionals.

Again with the 20% statistic in mind it becomes surprising that I fell pregnant so quickly. Despite how it ended, I still feel blessed to be apparently quite fertile. This brings with it however a new series of challenges and in particular one question...

Why am I not pregnant again already?

In my head things would go the same as last time. The first full month for my system to settle down, the first time post pill, this time post miscarriage. The second month would, of course, bring with it the joys of pregnancy and I would be able to put the miscarriage behind me and move on to the terrifying journey ahead that pregnancy after a miscarriage will undoubtably be.

So why has my plan not worked? I left you at the end of my last entry with a promise of an update on my Sunday POAS ritual. Unfortunately I don't have an answer. The test was a big fat negative followed closely by some blood stained cervical mucus. This can mean one of two things, either the evil Aunt Flo is on her way to town shockingly early in my cycle or I am again experiencing implantation bleeding. Every fibre of my being prays it is the latter although I am inclined to join my cyber friends in hiding behind the sofa hoping the personified Aunt Flo doesn't find me. This ritual of claiming to being in hiding is one that is jokingly used to hide the desperation that the month hasn't yet again gone by baby free.

One well meaning friend upon learning of our loss shared her friend's story who had been through the same ordeal, something people frequently do. Everyone has a cheery miscarriage story to share. Her story ended with, "It only took her 6 months after the miscarriage to get pregnant again." My first thought was, ONLY 6 months??? How is that a positive, how is 6 months an amount of time that can be described as ONLY?? I am like the spoilt brat in Willy Wonka, "I don't care how, I want it NOW!"

As I said when something becomes so all encompassing you suddenly feel as though it's following you. I have joked that I am being stalked by pregnancy but the truth is I am a victim of my own obsession. When babies weren't on my mind and the only things in my subconcious were bouquets, tiaras and wedding breakfasts I didn't notice adverts for pregnancy tests. Pregnant women passed me by unnoticed. The family planning section in Boots was tiny and never strayed into my path whilst I was buying shoe inserts for bridesmaids.

However since I have allowed the entire trying for a baby, pregnancy and baby world into my life it is suddenly everywhere I go. If I go out to buy dinner I will get stuck behind a bus advertising pregnacare prenatal vitimins before stopping at a crossing to allow a pregnant woman across the road. As I park in the supermarket the only available space will be for expectant mothers or parent and child. As I collect a trolley I will have to navigate my way around the woman with her newborn baby in the inevitable quinny buggy/carseat combo. The few toiletries I need will be located directly above the pregnancy tests and as I pick up some new socks I will have to walk past the new baby clothes.

The very worst of all are the days when a teen mum drags out her 4 unwanted children who are not wearing shoes and have dirt on their faces and tatty clothes. They run wild as their Mum alternates between ignoring them and screaming at them. Why does it come so easily to her? She doesn't deserve them!!

As I leave the supermarket there again is the woman with the tiny baby, this time joined by her heavily pregnant friend, getting on the pregnacare bus!

I return home to recover from the ordeal of the day, turn on my favourite cooking program. Shocker, 2 of the presenters are, yes you guessed it, pregnant! All of this leaves me to pose the question.

Is the whole world pregnant??